Overwhelming

If I walked away right now, maybe life would be so much easier. Not for me, but for you. Nobody to pressure you, fight with you, change you... It'd just be you. Which I think is perfect. You are perfect, no matter what I say or how I act. Just one smile from you, one touch, the sound of your voice, and I can't help but forgive whatever it is that you have or haven't done. You are kindness in physical form, love that I can touch.

My discontent is partially because of me and partially because of you. Me, because I can't ever seem to keep myself from missing you and you for not recognizing that I do miss you. This distance is tearing me apart and in turn tearing us apart.

I can feel the knot in my throat, my stomach is tangled, and my chest is heavy. A feeling I'm way too familiar with. The start of heartbreak. I can feel my heart breaking - slowly, but surely. If I could get myself to cry, I'm sure I would have drained myself of life already.

I keep myself calm for the sake of my parents, myself, and for those who look to us as if we are such a perfect duo. But how long can I do this? How long can I keep my heart kept together and hidden.

Where are you? Why are you so lost to me? I'm so exhausted from missing you. Missing your attention. I'm weary, love. If I could somehow keep your interest for long enough for you to want to talk to me, call me and stay on the phone with me, or try to set up cute little webcam dates, maybe I wouldn't be hurting so much. But here I am, an uninteresting girlfriend.

I'm hurting, and even more so that you don't notice. 

My heart hurts.